a mission. a blessing.

{the day jace got his mission call}

today is a hard day. jace leaves for his mission tomorrow. oh what a beautiful blessing that is. but im feeling overwhelmed. im feeling sad. life will seem so different without a brother or a dad around.

jace is doing something so good. something that can only bring happiness and peace to our family and to myself.

my dad is going to be serving with him. i know he will be. they will be companions. and that is sooo very comforting to me.

i know my dad is on a special mission. and i know jace has been called to go on a special mission himself. there is a reason he has been called to that very place at this very time. there is also a reason that my dad passed away when he did.

he has been helping to prepare the hearts of the bolivian people so that jace can teach them and show them his testimony of the Savior and of the plan of salvation.

my heart has so many emotions that i cant understand. but i do know with all my heart that Heavenly Father loves me. the message that jace is going to teach is true. i am more sure of it then i have ever been before. families are eternal and i am so thankful to truly believe that. it is helping me get through this incredible trial. this trial that has taught me gratitude, happiness, sadness, understanding and ultimately that my Savior did die for me. he knows me and loves me. he is helping me daily. helping me to understand and helping me to be happy.

i am happy. i am sad. i am so many emotions. but really i am grateful.

i am so proud of jace. so proud that although dealing with all of his own emotions and sadness, he is still willing to put the Lord first and go out and serve our Heavenly Father and the bolivian people.

i am blessed. we all are.

x0x0

hope and praise and love.

There is sunshine in my soul today,
More glorious and bright
Than glows in any earthly sky,
For Jesus is my light.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is music in my soul today,
A carol to my King,
And Jesus listening can hear
The songs I cannot sing.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is springtime in my soul today,

For when the Lord is near,
The dove of peace sings in my heart,
The flow’rs of grace appear.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is gladness in my soul today,
And hope and praise and love,
For blessings which he gives me now,
For joys “laid up” above.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

'there is sunshine in my soul today'- hymn 227

i miss you dad.

my new favorite team.

wow. i have so much to catch up on. unfortunately my blogging fever has been regulated for the time being. 98.6 degrees in fact.

the down side to this is- i start school tomorrow and probably wont be blogging very regularly.

ooh what to do what to do.

how about i just leave you with my moms birthday surprise.

we knew she would be either really happy... or really ticked.

fortunately for jace (the culprit) shes a SOFTY and LOoOOOoVes him.

i can admit it- i am not an animal person- but this guy... oh he is cute.

when we were little my dad bought us a dog. chancey- she lived for 17 years. anyways, the day we got her my dad acted like he was really mad at us because we had left the down stairs bathroom a mess (this was like our play room- there was a laundry shoot that we would climb in and out of all day long) anyways he sent us down there to clean up the mess we had made. when we opened the door my mom was holding chancey. it was so exciting.

we decided to play the same trick on my mom. minus being in trouble for leaving a mess.. so jace took the pup upstairs and called and pretended there was no toilet paper... so my mom went to save the day. when she opened the door jace said 'come in' and in the mirror she caught a glimpse of the little pup. she started laughing and said 'whos dog is this' after we told her it was for her she piped in with an 'oh my hell'.... hahah love the j-own! (she is getting new carpet next week... so she really meant it :)) after the initial shock she cuddled that little sweetie and was so happy! sam had bet jace that she would take him back.. i just laughed at that thought because i knew my mom would fall in love with him instantly. and she did!

his name is dodger. and i love him.

x0x0

i love you sam.

His plan.

its amazing how quickly life changes. one minute you think everything is going according to your own plan, and then its not.

i feel like the month of july has shown me how out of control i really am. never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined everything that has happened in the past two weeks.

my plan: finish the summer selling pest control in salt lake city. move back to pocatello and into the grove apartments with lots of fun really fun couples and continue with another semester at ISU. find a job- maybe substitute teaching. continue visiting my parents, eating my moms food and rubbing my dads back. and just keep going with everything.

His plan: summer ended very early. my dad passed away much sooner than anyone expected. i know he has been sick for a long time and we all knew it was going to happen eventually, but i never would have guessed that it would happen now. when my mom called me that wednesday to tell me she took my dad to the er, i just thought it was another 'thing' and he would pop out of it. he has since october of 2006- why not now? we have been in pocatello or with family since then.

after my dad passed away, we decided it would be best if we moved in with my mom. not very expected but im so thankful we chose to. we moved all of our stuff on tuesday.

an hour after i called my landlords to see if we could get out of our contract i got a phone call..
in may i applied for an internship for what i thought would be the summer... after a long wait and and thinking i had no chance, i got that phone call telling me YES i got it.

the internship is for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. i will be working in their web design department.

the internship is for 6 months... after realizing that this internship would require me to take an entire year off of school (which we already took off last semester too) i decided to ask if they could postpone it. it is so amazing how i can see Heavenly Father's hand in my life right now. thankfully my new boss completely understood and told me he would love to see me in january.

so for now we will go to school and in january we will be moving to salt lake again. another blessing in this too, is that since it will be a new year, he said the internship could probably be extended even longer.

a few days after this phone call we got another one. sams mom told us that his grandma was given only a few days to live. we are heading to california tomorrow to say goodbye and attend another funeral.

i have been feeling so overwhelmed with life. but at the same time i feel like im not making any of the decisions. Heavenly Father is directing it all. i know he is. and i feel calm. i feel like no matter what happens it will be for the best. although nothing is going according to my plan, it is going according to His. and its for the best. and all i can do is laugh and have faith that it is His plan.

{thank you for all your love by the way. we couldnt get through this without everyone.}

x0x0

because nice matters.

my dad, my hero passed away on sunday, july 25th.

he was very sick. very tired. but even still, he kept his humor. he has always been positive. but i have been so amazed by the way he has dealt with the awful trial of cancer these past 4 years.

i have been overwhelmed with the kindness of people in the past 2 weeks. people have come out of every direction to give my family their love and support.

a few years back my mom found some signs at the dollar store and bought one for each of us. the sign said

- because nice matters-

it does.

and i have seen how much it matters. the theme of my dad's funeral (in my eyes) centered around this saying.

my dad spent his life serving others. whether he was serving the youth at highland on the basketball court, in the class room, on the football field or on the softball field he was giving his time and his talents to better the lives of those around him.

i have heard numerous stories of the kids he bought basketball shoes for, waived camp fees, or bought lunch for.

my dad served hundreds of young adults while serving in the university stake for around 10 years of his life. helping each one in a very vital time of their lives.

but the most important people he served were us-his family. i know without any doubt that my dad loved me. he told me frequently. and he showed me. he wanted what was best for us. he gave us all he could and he worked hard for everything we have.

im very sad. this has been such a hard time for me. but i know he is happy. he is healthy and he is doing a great work.

families are forever.

i wish i could express how i feel. but it is impossible.

im thankful that i can look to my dad and understand what it means to live a good life.

because nice matters. i have been given a renewed sense of the worth of others. my dads viewing, funeral and the many cards, prayers and thoughts on my families behalf have shown me how important it is to be kind to others. nice really does matter.

i could say that in a world of cynics, nice matters more than ever. but ive seen so much good in people that i almost dont believe that cynics exist anymore.

for this i am thankful. i am thankful that my Heavenly Father is helping me learn. he is teaching me in trials to have faith and believe that life is still good. even when i feel so uncertain.

the program at the funeral had the words, 'well done good and faithful servant.'

i dont think anything could describe the man my father was any better.

i really miss you dad. i will always look to you for guidance in my life.

i love you forever. eternity.