the "hunt" is on.

while sam and i were road tripping my dad received some news, which at the time we felt was extremely devastating. he had just gotten his most recent CAT scan results back and unfortunately it confirmed that his cancer had spread. it hadnt spread to more parts of his body, but it had gotten bigger. the doctor, whom has been treating my dad for the past 3 1/2 years told him that all of his options for treatment had been exhausted. the decision was made to quit chemo.

i knew my dad had been at the hospital but i was feeling uncomfortable that my mom hadnt called me yet to tell me what the results were. although uncomfortable, i still expected good news. i was driving. i called my mom. i pulled over. i was devastated. i didnt know what to think or do. of course when you receive news like this you think the very worst. and i did. sam and i pulled into the next town and got a hotel. we contemplated whether we should stop our trip and go home, speed to seattle and get home by monday {this was thursday} or just keep going. it was a tough decision for me. i wanted to get home as soon as i could but with much persuasion from the old man we decided to stay. im glad we did. although i wanted to be home sam and i were able to enjoy many amazing experiences and see a lot of incredible sights. i dont regret it.

since october of 2006 when my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, he has been given many blessings by men holding the priesthood in our church. these blessings have been incredibly spiritual and have given our family much hope. after his most recent CAT scan i found myself like the nephite people in the book of mormon. i forgot to trust my God. i had forgotten that He is in control and that He keeps the promises that He makes. i had forgotten Him.

i feel a little disgusted with myself. when things are going well and in the way i think they should be my mind and my heart arent turned to Heavenly Father like they need to be. instead it is when there is tragedy and despair that i realize i need Him and that He has control.

a few days after the decision was made to stop chemo treatments, my dad received yet another blessing. i was reminded again that Heavenly Father is All Knowing.

everything falls together. i call it divine intervention.

last thursday my dad went to huntsman. the huntsman cancer center is a large scale facility. elaborate. beautiful. knowledgeable. sacred {in my opinion}. when my dad first went there 3 years ago he was told that there was nothing they could do that portneuf wasnt already doing. so they continued treatment in pocatello. when my dad went back last week we sort of expected the sam kind of answer from the doctors. but reaffirming the blessings given, they told him that a few months prior {january} they came up with and decided to start a new "trial" of two different treatments. one for colon cancer. one for leukemia. but working together. only 20 people can participate in the trial. my dad is #4.

sam and i will be working in salt lake this summer. and while my parents have to make the trip to huntsman every thursday for the next 6 months, they will have somewhere to stay now.

we made the unexpected decision to stay home from dc, but im thankful that my husband listens to the spirit. which i one hundred percent believe told him we needed to stay in salt lake. it has already been a huge blessing for our family.

we spent yesterday at the huntsman with my mom and dad. i have never in my life seen so many sick people in one place. cancer is a very scary disease. not only scary for the person suffering from it {which i cant even fathom} but also for those watching the person suffer.

as i was looking at every person in the building {it is a huge building} i couldnt help but wonder what they were going through. i know how my family is dealing with the situation, but what about everyone else? do they understand that families can be together forever? that no matter what happens this life if not the end? how do they deal with the pain and sadness?

so many thoughts were going through my head and all i wanted to do was cry. have i mentioned i do that a lot?

my dad is my hero. he is strong. stronger than i could ever be. suffering pain, gloom and fatigue for the past 3 1/2 years must be difficult. he is amazing. i am so grateful to be his daughter and see his example. he has shown me that even in the deepest of garbage you can still smile. you can still be happy.

i know without a doubt that Heavenly Father knows me. He loves me. He sent His Son to die for me. and my Savior has not only suffered for my dad's discomforts but also for mine.

the "hunt" is on for a cure. and huntsman, i have a feeling your going to work.