and then she was blonde.

i missed my blonde hair too much. brown was fun while it lasted. and im sure it will be fun again soon.

x0x0

Fear Not

The past few months have been some of the most uncertain and scary months of my life. I have been introduced to new and strange experiences that I never thought I would encounter.

No one ever expects to loose someone they care for. Even if he has been fighting a monstrous disease for a very long time

No one expects to have their plans change so quickly and before they know it finding themselves in a new state doing something that they feel completely inadequate to do.

We may understand that changes will be thrown at us, but who really expects them to actually happen?

I have felt an extensive amount of discomfort in not knowing what the future holds. I have been overwhelmed with the vast scope of my weaknesses.

I’ve been afraid, not because there isn’t a solution to my seemingly gigantic challenges, but because I haven’t been looking for the right solution to those problems.

The solution I haven’t been looking for is the Savior’s atonement. I was sent an email from a co-worker the other day entitled ‘Fear Not’ by Elder Tad R Callister. This email wasn’t intended for only me or for the problems that I am facing, but really it was for ME and for MY problems. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Read it- you will LOVE it.

Heavenly Father truthfully knows us. He IS listening to everything we say. He can feel our sorrow and knows our weakness and has promised that if we trust him our seemingly unsolvable problems will always have a solution.

The challenges I am facing are not earth shattering, they are not unconquerable, and truthfully they are miniscule compared to what others are facing.

They may feel gigantic to me, but it isn’t because they really are, it’s because I’m not looking at them with an eternal perspective.

“Fear not… For with God nothing shall be impossible.”(Luke 1:30, 37)

The challenges I face with life don’t have to be scary, because I know that no matter what a solution that will be for my benefit will come out of each situation I am placed in.

In relief society on Sunday our closing song what hymn # 270 “I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go”. Holy smokes it hit me like a ton of bricks.

“It may not be on the mountain height or over the stormy sea, it may not be at the battle’s front my Lord will have need of me. But if by a still, small voice he calls to path that I do not know, I’ll answer dear Lord, with my hand in thine: I’ll go where you want me to go….. So trusting my all to thy tender care, and knowing thou lovest me, I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere: I’ll be what you want me to be.”

Sam and I have been faced with quite a few decisions as of late in determining where our future will lead us. Our bishop said something pretty neat that has also made me realize that Heavenly Father is on our side and that he will make things go the way they need to go. He said, “As long as you are doing what you are supposed to, those things that should happen will fall into place and the rest will fall out of your life.” So great to be reminded yet again that I’m not in charge, but if I put my faith in the atonement it is all going to work out.

Life is good. I love my internship. I still have SOOO much to learn, but I’m here for a reason and I’m excited to find out what it is.

im on fire.

ok not really. but i made this one for sam for valentines day too.
our office is "decorated" in yellow, red, black and white thus the colors i chose.
all of the yellow states are places we have lived+louisiana where sam served his mission.


idaho. wyoming. utah. illinois. virginia. louisiana.

looove

im ok with having valentines on a monday. it means you get to spend an entire weekend celebrating love and then its like monday is a bonus day or something. (except you have to work) the work part stinks but the loove part rocks.

i have a slight problem.

everything i do is slooooooww

like seriously slow.

for some reason the mind of kyrsten doesnt understand expediency.

i probably take twice the amount of time to do anything compared to the average person. even the dishes. sam can whip out a sink full in 10 minutes it takes me close to 45! sheesh!

my mom- who knows how she accomplishes practically every possible thing in a day?!?

it seems as though every person i know accomplishes a lot. at least a lot more than me.

but today i did accomplish something.

my cousin emily introduced me to the most fabulous blog last night. while searching her blog i found this. I was seriously in L.O.V.E. with this idea.

with valentines day just around the corner I thought it would be a lovely gift for my sweetheart.

i think its safe to say that sam rarely reads this blog, so posting it before he actually gets it shouldnt be an issue.

one thing that this girl loves is a little bit of personal art. it adds such a sweet flare to any space. especially when its all about you and your lover!

pretty sure pink wont d0 in our home, but hey its valentines day so i thought i'd add it.

so what do all of these things mean? your probably dying to know so let me tell you.

{palm trees} i love anywhere tropical and warm. take me to a beach and i will be one very happy woman.
{airplane} we love to travel. we have been so blessed to visit some amazing places in our short time together. hopefully we will get to see much much more!
{music note} i caught sam's attention after him hearing me sing a song by one of his favorite bands. we quickly found out that we have the exact same taste in music. music has been a big part of our marriage. (although i am in no way musically talented- i love it!)
{fleur-de-lis} sam served his mission in louisiana. this symbol is a major part of the new orleans style. one of our very first trips as a married couple was to louisiana. i love it there. so does he.
{our initials} duh.
{mustache} once while shopping my entire family bought fake mustaches. we even put one on baby stellas pacifier. we ended up putting one in my dads casket too. kind of strange but a wonderfully fun memory.
{idaho} theres no place like home.
{westfalia} you saw the before pictures of our beautiful new van, we (sam) is in the process of fixing her up. and boy oh boy is she going to be pretty! i cant wait for all of the fun memories we will make with her!
{unicycle} while we were dating sam taught me how to unicycle. we went through a rough patch around christmas the first year we were dating, but he loved me enough to customize my own unicycle even after i had broke his heart. good thing he can forgive and forget. and now we are a unicycling family! :)
{temple} this isnt the temple we were married in, but it is now the temple we live 3 blocks away from. i love having a place that constantly reminds me of how important my marriage and my family is.
{sunshine} i think we both have seasonal depression! we need all the sunshine we can get!
{ice cream} lets be honest... who doesnt love ice cream. yum!

happy valentines day everyone. i have a lot to post about but its almost 2 am. so peace and love!

...

im feeling a little blue tonight. guess ill go eat some ice cream.

lets start from the top.

like i said in a previous post, life got crazy after christmas, so without further ado i will start from the top.

christmas.

yes- it has been a month since we celebrated our Savior's birth. but i still want to tell you about it. this year was a bit of a different and special circumstance. we were down two of our most valuable players.

the hansen family has a special way of celebrating christmas. it doesnt just last for one day, it lasts almost an entire week.

the weekend before christmas we headed up to bear lake to celebrate in the snow. we ate lots of good food, watched our favorite movies, played games and had our annual white elephant gift exchange.

stella is as beautiful as always. this month she will be ONE! ahh. time goes by too fast!

the bickleys brought some ugly sweaters to kick off the festive celebration

landon. oh landon. he took charge and kept us all on course as we bickered and deceived to get exactly what we wanted.

hermana bickley and grandpa. alice just got reassigned to the san diego california mission. she is one amazing lady.

we always have so much fun together. i am so thankful that my grandma and grandpa have had a cabin for us all to gather and enjoy. it is the best.

my mom is seriously such a babe.

sam was just as deceitful as the rest of us in this game. he brought a gift that he wanted and made sure he was the one that ended up with it in the end.

taigen wondering why she got stuff to work out...(her thought bubble) 'who works out? does cheerleading count?'

my deceiving wasnt very victorious... i got a cape. and these awesome shoes. except i didnt get them i just borrowed them for the picture. along with my ugly sweater. the funny thing is that if it were 2001 this sweater would be totally cool.

ah the lovely.

grandpa did a little jig in the shoes too.

when we got home from partying at the cabin we decided to start a new tradition.

let me preface.

every year on christmas eve my entire hansen family stays at my aunt and uncles house (grandma and grandpa, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandkids, EVERYONE). because we have done this all of my life we started a tradition when we were young that the eve before christmas eve we as an immediate family would have a sleepover and then exchange presents with each other on christmas eve morning...

ok now that you understand.

this year the eve before christmas eve started with a chat from elder jace. what a rockstar! his mission president told them to call before christmas because he worried the phone lines would block up (this really happened- a few of jaces friends couldnt call their parents at all because they couldnt get through).

anyways we spent a good hour on the eve of eve's talking with jace and learning all about bolivia. the dirt, the mosquitos, the rice and beans, and the beautiful people. jace has struggled a little bit because he is the only english speaker in his entire district. he is in a rural area with a bolivian companion. (at this time) he felt like he didnt know spanish or english.. so he was stuck. but he was so excited because on christmas day it was his first baptism. what a wonderful christmas gift!

he is doing wonderful and working hard to learn the language. he loves the people and the culture and his companion! im so proud of him. i know how hard it has been loosing my dad, even while having the support on a daily basis of everyone around me. jace has made a huge sacrifice leaving and trying to deal with the sadness that comes from loosing your dad.

as the day went on taryn and i went to gather some groceries. we decided to start a NEW tradition. i love traditions.

we decided to start the annual 'DADS DINNER'!!!

this dinner is dedicated to him and everything he loves.

i wanted to do something special for each of my siblings, so i printed off my very favorite picture of my dad and gave one to each of them and my mom.

lots of sundays my dad would cook us london broil... so the boys took on the grill and made us delicious steaks.

my dad drake lots of coke (way to much coke) so of course we had to serve coke to everyone.

london broil

we had a great night remembering dad and all of our wonderful memories of him.

take a look at this cheeser. she makes life so much better!

we made everyone else do the cheeser picture too. not as cute...

after dinner we had mango ice cream (mangos are another of his favorite things) and we were going to watch his favorite christmas movie (a christmas story) but decided to play games instead. lots of fun. and an awesome new tradition!!!

christmas eve morning was different. we could tell we were physically missing some large pieces to our family, but i know they were both with us. both in mind and spirit. we are so lucky to have the knowledge of eternal families. i cant say that enough.

my mom and dad have created such a beautiful sanctuary of a home. (no my dad never helped with the decorating) he did however help to teach us to do what was right. look at how beautiful their home is though.

my good friend courtney made this hat for me to give to stella. ah so cute

this is pretty much the only picture we got of the two of us. ( i love salt and vinegar chips)

ah. next is the book. oh the book.... back in june i emailed everyone in my family- both on my moms side and my dads side. i asked everyone- grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings to write my dad a letter. i asked them to write things they love about him and their favorite memories about him.

i worked really hard on it... but didnt finish it before he passed away.

i have been terribly upset about not finishing it for him to see before he died, but i have realized that it wasnt just about him seeing it.

amazingly enough because of this book, when he was close to death and we were all gathered around him, i was able to read some of the letters written to him. i know he could hear me. not only that but it brought a beautiful addition to the already consuming spirit that was with us.

after he passed away we realized it would be our responsibility to gather pictures for a slideshow and gather stories and information for his life sketch.

pictures had all been scanned into my computer previously and stories upon stories were written in letters also found on my computer.

it was because of this that made everything so. much. easier. we didnt have to do much. just choose from the hundreds of scanned in pictures and the hundreds of stories written by his mom, brothers, sister, wife and kids.

i believe it was a miracle. it was. after my dad died, i had no desire to finish the book. each letter i read was heartbreaking for me. and each picture i looked at honestly made me frustrated. but i knew that it needed to be done. and i knew it would be a treasure each of us would cherish forever. so i worked on it... for a long time. and christmas eve morning it arrived on our doorstep just as we started breakfast.

( really it deserves its own post, so that will come later)

after breakfast we started another new tradition. ill be honest its not one of my favorite ones.

but again we sang christmas songs, talked about dad, and shed a few tears.

(im sure my mom would love me to say that the difference in color from the headstone to the connecting piece saying 'eternity' was not her doing. the headstone company will be fixing this to match the rest of the headstone shortly :))

isnt taryn beautiful. no wonder stella is so stinkin cute!!!

after we left the arimo cemetery we went to the annual hansen sleepover. i cant believe i didnt take anymore pictures after this, but christmas continued and we enjoyed talking about our saviors life, opening presents and again talking about dad.

christmas afternoon we drove to preston to spend time with sams family. we were missing a lot of people there too. but we still enjoyed the fire, swedish bread and hot chocolate.

i guess life is about learning and learning to deal with change in the best way possible.

change isnt always what we want or are expecting, but its ok. and life continues and is still good.

x0x0